Boys of Summer
by sgtpeper
Summary: Songfic based upon Don Henley's Boys of Summer. Between Ron and Harry. Please read and review.


a/n: This is my second fanfic.  I decided to do a songfic based on **Don Henley's **Boys of Summer.  This is my first slash story and I am not a huge fan of that genre, so I hope to do it justice. Nobody reviewed my last story so I ask that you please read and review and give me some good honest criticism. Thanks for reading.

_Nobody on the road  
Nobody on the beach_

_I feel it in the air  
The summer's out of reach  
Empty lake, empty streets  
The sun goes down alone_

I stumbled out of the Ministry late tonight.  It seems that more and more I am staying later trying to avoid the inevitable task of returning home. It's dark and there is nobody on the street.  I think of apparating home but it would take longer if I just walked.  The summer is almost over as it is getting cooler at night and the streets are quiet since any kids out this late are at Hogwarts this time of year.  The suns almost down and the stars are just starting to twinkle.  I look up and can see Venus fading in the background.

_I'm drivin' by your house  
Though I know you're not at home_

The walk home is long, but I try to do it almost every night. I come to a crossroads and stand and think.  If I head straight I will get home quicker, but if I turn left and go around the center of the city it will be a longer walk. I turn left.

I find myself lost in my thoughts for a few minutes and before I know it I am standing across the street from your house.  I know that your not home, your never home. Always off somewhere on an adventure to some far off place.  The Daily Prophet chronicles your exploits like some rabid biographer, always there.  I read them over and over again and then place them in a scrapbook I keep.  I wonder what it would be like to be next to you on them. Fighting the evil across the world and saving the day with you by my side like in the olden days.

It feels like only seconds since I took notice of where I was but I notice that the sun has finally set and it is dark on the street where you live except for a lamppost in your front walkway with a shingle swinging from it.  A shingle that simply states: _H.Potter_.  
  
_But I can see you-  
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun  
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby  
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong  
After the boys of summer have gone_

And again I lose myself in my thoughts and remember to the summers we used to spend together at The Burrow or by the lake, just you and me.  I remember how almost immediately you would get a tan from laying in the summer sun with the sunglasses I got you for your birthday. And how after we would spend all day in our swim suits in the lake, we would shower and you would comb your messy hair.  I found it weird that you would only comb your hair during the summer.  Like you were making a statement about yourself.  I silently hoped that you combed your hair just for me, a subtle way of showing me how you felt.  
  
_I never will forget those nights  
I wonder if it was a dream_

But the nights, the summer nights we spent together, were what I remember and cherish the most.  How we would sneak a bottle of fire whiskey up to my room and take turns drinking from the bottle telling each other are most personal secrets and dreams. 

_Remember how you made me crazy?  
Remember how I made you scream_

It was the last night of summer before the 7th year at Hogwarts.  We had gotten really drunk off the fire whiskey.  The rest of my family had gone to see my grandmother for the night and wouldn't be back for quite sometime.  I remember the last question you asked me with such clarity that it is like your asking me now.

"Is there anyone you love, not like a friend or a family member, but truly love?" you said.

"Umm…next question" I spoke.  I didn't want to lie to you, but I knew I could never tell you how I truly felt.  I did not want to lose you as a friend.  That would kill me. 

"Aww c'mon!  There are not secrets between best mates" you said coyly.

"I don't want to answer." I said with growing anger "Ask something else!"

"No I want to know Ron.  I won't tell any-"

"NO! I don't want to play this fucking game anymore!"  I shouted.  I could tell you were taken aback by my anger especially since you never saw me that angry before.  I could see the hurt in your drunken eyes.  Knowing that my words had hurt you killed me and I started to cry.  I didn't want you to see me so I ran out of my room.  I ran so fast that I almost fell down the stairs.  I ran straight out of my house to the oak tree down the road and rested my head against its massive trunk and started to weep. It wasn't long till I heard footsteps behind me.  I knew it was you.  I could sense you a mile away.  I heard you speak.

"Ron, Ron, I-I-I d-didn't m-mean to upset you.  Are yo-"

"It's y-y-you!" I interrupted. I stopped my breathing to prepare myself for your answer.

"I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't think it would upset you so much. I am sorry if I am a horrible friend." 

I was confused at first.  Then I realized that you misunderstood me and thought I was blaming you for how upset I was. 

"N-no y-y-you d-don't u-understand-d Harry" I said as I turned to face him.  "I-It's y-you that, that, that I l-love!"  I couldn't believe I said that. I stood there silently for what seemed to be months, but was a few seconds.  I saw the shock in your eyes and I was embarrassed for what had happened but then I saw the look change and you stepped closer to me and before I realized what was happening you kissed me on the lips, passionately.  Your tongue slid into my mouth and I felt weak in the knees.  I started to kiss back and could feel you getting weak too. You took your lips off of me and started to kiss my cheek and my ear and move down to my neck.  I had to lean against the tree to support myself.

"I love you too Ron" you spoke to me breathless between kisses.  "I always have"

"Oh Harry!" I spoke the only words that I could come up with.

You stopped kissing me and locked your eyes upon mine. I could tell what you were going to say before you even said it.

"Let's go back to your room." You said with a smile and took my hand.

_Now I don't understand what happened to our love  
But babe, I'm gonna get you back  
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of_

That night was the greatest night of my life. I felt we were one, something I never felt with Hermione before.  We fell asleep in each others arms and it was the best sleep I ever had, a secure peaceful sleep. I know you felt the same way.  I was so glad at what happened and I thought it would be a new beginning for us.  I couldn't wait till morning to tell the world that I was in love with Harry Potter.  But dawn had to come and came hard it did. Showering light into the room like a huge lamp.  If I had known what was going to happen next I would have never allowed the sun to come in to our world. 

I was awake before you that morning.  I could hear my mother and father in the kitchen downstairs making breakfast and I wondered what they would think of us together.  I knew it would be hard to tell Hermione about us, but she deserved better than to go behind her back.  She probably would not talk to either of us anymore and that would hurt, but I know that with Harry at my side we would conquer that together…or so I thought. 

You awoke with a start and looked up to see me staring down at you.  I looked into your eyes and saw that you were excited to see me too, but then your expression changed.

"Uh Uh Umm I think I better go take a shower" you said as you literally jumped out of bed.

"What's wrong Harry?" I spoke to you as I sat up

"N-n-nothing!  I just think I should go take a shower."

"You'll have time for that later, it's only 6:30 in the morning."  I said as I grabbed out to you.  "Let's have a little fu-"

"NO" you shouted as you pulled away from me.

I knew then what was going on and I prayed that I was wrong.

"Listen." You said as you paced the floor looking for your clothes. "Last night was weird and and and I just think we would be better off not talking abou-"

"What!' I said as I felt the tears well up. "Weird?  I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world and the best thing that has ever happen-"

"Don't do this Ron.  Don't relive last night.  What's done is done and it was fine and all but that is the last-

"Fine! FINE!" I shouted at you "Just Fine!  I gave you my heart and soul and all of me and it was just FINE!"

"I didn't mean it like th-"

"Harry, I love you, I always have and always will" I spoke as I got up to move toward you.  "You are the best part of me and the only thing that keeps me alive.  Every time I see you I become happy.  You are my everything and only thing.  I love you Harry and want to be with you the rest of our lives."

I looked into your eyes and saw the look that you gave me last night as you entered me, that look that screams at my soul and tells it how much it loves me. I slowly crept up to you and started to embrace you.

"NO!" you shouted at me as you pulled away "NO Ron, there is no love, there is no rest of our lives.  What happened last night will NEVER happen again.  Do you HEAR me Ronald Weasley! Do you!" you stormed up to me and I saw the anger in you eyes. "We were drunk and something's happened that never should've happened.  I regret that it did and wished that I could take it back, but I can't. " 

I sat on the edge of my bed a defeated man and started to weep.  I looked to the window to see if I could throw myself out of it, but I realized that the worst that would happen would be some broken bones.  I didn't realize that you were still speaking.

"And another thing, I think it best if we don't hang out much anymore. It would just bring up reminders of things that cannot be changed. And if you tell anyone about last-"

"I-I-I won't" I said with my head in my hands

"Uh uh good Ron!"  I could hear your anger deflate as you realized I was weeping. "Ron, listen I-I just want to say th-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU FUCKING BASTARD CHILD" I screamed at the top of my lungs.  It was my turn to get angry. "FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I could see the hurt in your eyes and was glad that you felt it.  It fueled me to say things I would never say and always wish to take back.

"I am glad your parents are dead you git, so they could never see what kind of asshole you've become."  I stood up and stared nose to nose with you.  I was running are pure hurt and despair and for a moment it felt good.  "I hope to never see you again and I swear on the departed soul of your godfather that I will never, EVER, speak you name again!  Now get out!"

I saw the shock, awe and hurt in your eyes, it was like someone had slapped you.  You looked around the room and I saw a tear come down on your cheek. You looked at me one more time and then turned you back to me and walked of my room and my life forever.  I collapsed on the bed and started to wail loudly.  I could hear my mom ask you where you were going and I heard you use the floo. I heard footsteps head toward my room and thought for a moment you were coming back to apologize when I heard my father knock on the door.

"Ron…Ron it's your father.  What's going on?"

"Nothing!  Leave me alone please." I grabbed my wand and put a lock spell on the door. 

"Um…fine then son.  We will be leaving for the Hogwarts express in a few hours so get ready."

As I lied on my bed I thought of the many ways I could die. I imagined me killing my self and my parents discovering the body.  Soon after Harry would be told.  Would he be upset at my death or relived?  Does it matter?  Do I care anymore?  These suicidal thoughts calmed me and rocked me to sleep. 

I awoke a couple of hours later and faced the fact that I would have to go to Hogwarts.  I didn't want to, but I also didn't want to explain to my parents why I didn't want to go. _Uh Mom, Dad, I don't fancy going to Hogwarts this year considering the fact that the bastard I shagged last night under your roof has turned into a git and broke my heart.  _ Yeah that would go over well.  Besides, I said I wouldn't tell anyone and quite frankly I didn't want anyone to know. 

I packed my things and looked around my room.  I knew in my heart that I never wanted to see this place again.  I silently say good bye to it all.  I grabbed some parchment and a quill and wrote a letter:

_Mom,_

_     I know you'll be upset, but I've decided to apparate to Hogwarts.  I promised Hermione that I would meet with her early to go over a few things for classes and to catch up on our summers.  I will write to you soon.  _

_Love,_

_Ron_

I knew I would get a howler for this, but I didn't care.  I just wanted to get out of this place.  I closed my eyes to apparate and the only thing I could see was what happened this morning.  I had to concentrate really hard just to see Hogwarts.  When I opened my eyes I was standing outside of Hogwarts.  There were a few early arrivals, but for the most part it was deserted.  I made my way to my dorm and wondered where Harry was and how I was going to avoid him for the next year. 

   
_I can see you-  
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun  
I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone  
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong  
After the boys of summer have gone_

Since we were both working so hard at avoiding each other it was quite easy to do.   Since that first day back at Hogwarts, when you had switched rooms with a third year, we never spoke.  After a while it became an unwritten law with everyone close to us. _Don't mention Harry to Ron, nor Ron to Harry._  We both tried our best to not drag our friends into this, but it was hardest on Hermione.  She wanted to know why we weren't talking nor spending time together and she felt torn between the two of us.  Every time I saw her with you, she'd look at me with such a guilty face but I never tried to force her to choose. She was always loyal to both of us, at least until my first episode right before Christmas.

Right before Christmas break was the first time I attempted suicide. I was surprised that I lasted that long.  I snuck into the showers late one night and turned the hot water on. I stripped naked and got under the water as thoughts washed through my head. Thoughts of Harry and I on that amazing night. Just thinking of that made me the happiest I was since that night.  Then I remembered the next morning and all the subsequent mornings after that.  I couldn't take it anymore.  You in the halls after class, smiling and waving at everyone.  You would be plotting Quidditch strategy with the Gryffindor's, or talking with Cho and her friends.  People said you two were dating and I think that is what pushed me over the edge.  The hot water roused me from my contemplation. I took the shaving kit I had gotten a few Christmases ago and fished out the razor. It took a long time to work up the courage to slice my wrist open but I finally did.  There was a sharp pain and I moved to my other wrist and sliced it open. Blood spurted out in a long stream and hit the tiled wall of the shower.  It hurt for a few more minutes, but then pressure I had felt since that day at The Burrow started to go away.  I felt myself leaving my body as it fell to the floor.  The last thing I remember is all the blood swirling down the drain and seeing the tears coming down my face. 

I awoke with a bright light in my face.  My eyes adjusted and the bright light was drawn back. 

"Mr. Weasley, good to see you awake." Pomfrey said.  "We were worried, you had lost a lot of blood and the wounds took a long time to close."

I tried to get up but couldn't.  I looked to my wrists and saw them heavily bandaged and restrained.

"Don't try to move Mr. Weasley you've been a sleep for a long time and we've had to restrain you."

"Why?" I asked.

"For your safety of course." Pomfrey replied.

"Is he awake?" I heard Hermione ask behind the curtain.

"Yes Ms. Granger" Pomfrey rolled her eyes "I am almost done and you can see him.  I swear, that girl has to sort out her priorities."

I chuckled at that one.

"She has been here since they brought you in." Pomfrey continued "She refused to leave and missed quite a few of her classes. She hasn't eaten much either.  Your parents were here this morning and they said they would be back.  I am sure Dumbledore will be wanting to see you.  Your quite lucky that Mr. Longbottom had to use the loo, otherwise…"

 Pomfrey trailed off.  I wasn't paying too much attention anyway. All the pressure that subsided with the slice had come back hard.  Not only did I still miss Harry, but now I would have to deal with all these inquires about what I did and why.  I just wanted to sink into a black hole. I was jarred out of my thoughts by a squealing Hermione.

"RON!!! You're awake" Hermione squealed as she threw her arms me.

"Ooof. Herm, uh Herm," I tried to speak "Herm!" I shouted. She pulled back and I could see her eyes were puffed and red.  "You don't have to squeeze me to death I'm alright."

I could see the relief sweep across her face.  I knew Hermione had always loved me, for a short time I loved her too, that was until I realized what I felt for Harry. I started to get lost in my thoughts again when I saw the relief go away and a lot of anger come across Hermione's face.

"You Bastard!" She shouted and then started to hit me.  "Why, why, why?  Why would you do such a stupid, ignorant thing? Why?  Tell me Ronald Weasley.  Tell me!"  she topped hitting me and started to cry.

I didn't know what to say.  How could I tell anyone what had happened, what would I say.  I had to come up with something.  Fear and desperation make you do strange things and unfortunately that's all I was running on.

"I've, I've been depressed lately." I whispered "I felt like nobody loved me.  I felt alone.  Harry and me aren't friends anymore and I was afraid I was going to lose you." I looked up at her and could not believe what I just said.

"Well you don't have to worry about that Ron." Hermione said "When I told Harry about what happened to you he looked sad, but then changed the subject.  It was like he didn't care.  He never visited and when I confronted him, he claimed he was too busy.  He has been spending a lot of time by himself in his room I can't see why he couldn't take 5 minutes to come see you. I said to Harry that it didn't matter what happened between you too, he should come and see if you're all right. He got mad, and I got mad and then I told him that if he wasn't going to see you or even care about you then I didn't want to be friends with him anymore.  I haven't seen him since.  He just sits in his room or goes to class."

"Herm, you shouldn't be so hard on Harry." I couldn't believe I said that either.  What has gotten over me?  "He has to deal with things his own way."

"I know, but he doesn't need to be a git about it." Herm had stopped crying and looked rather nervous.

"Herm, what is it?" I said.  I was growing impatient with her, with everything.

"I know it's probably not the right time to saw this to you, but I almost lost you and it made me realize a lot of things.  Things I should've realized a long time ago."

I knew what she was going to say and I didn't want to hear it but I couldn't stop it.

"I don't know how to say this to you Ron," she continued "But I-I-I l-love you Ron, more than a friend."

Even thought I knew it was coming I was shocked.  I didn't know what to say or how to react.  I could tell the longer I took the more nervous Hermione grew.  I knew I loved Herm, but I know I'd never love her like I loved Harry.  I was thinking about how to respond when my mouth moved independently from my brain.

"I love you too Hermione." I couldn't believe what I had said, but at the same time it felt good to say that to someone I knew loved me back.

"Oh Ron." She started to cry again and threw her arms around me. 

"Herm, let's get married."

_Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac  
A little voice inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back."  
I thought I knew what love was  
What did I know?  
Those days are gone forever  
I should just let them go but-_

Life progressed fast after that. Telling everyone about our upcoming matrimony made it easy to shift focus from my suicide attempt to planning the wedding.  My parents were so happy for us and Dumbledore told us he would be honored to allow our marriage to be preformed at the great hall after graduation. I rarely saw Harry.  He stayed mostly in his room.  It seemed he had cut contact from everyone even Cho and the Quidditch team. He always took his meals with the house elves in the kitchen, if he ever ate at all. I stilled missed him terribly, but tried to focus on my wedding and loving Hermione.  I really wanted to love her like I loved Harry, but it was impossible. I knew I would never love anyone as much as I loved Harry.

Soon we graduated from Hogwarts and after that I married Hermione.  I got a job at the Ministry after my father became Minister of Magic. I took over for him in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts department.  Soon me and Hermione had kids and settled into life.  I hadn't thought about Harry in a while. Then yesterday happened.

"Hey Ron, you'll never guess who's here."

I looked up to see Neville standing there with a smile.  I had always felt I held a debt towards Neville for saving my life that night. 

"Who?" I said uninterested.

"Harry!"

I felt sick to my stomach.  I hadn't thought of Harry since last summer.  I thought of him every summer.  I felt my heart beat faster and faster and could feel myself break out into a cold sweat.

"Yeah, he's upstairs talking with your father.  I haven't seen him in ages.  I'm going to go see him.  You want to come?"

"Nah.  I got too much stuff here to do.  Give him my regards." I spoke hoping that Neville would leave before I had a full blown panic attack. 

"You sure? I'm sure that work could wait a few minutes." Neville spoke quizzically

"Yeah I'm sure. Got stuff to do." I lied

"Okay.  I'll be back soon." Neville said as walked out the door.

As soon as Neville was gone I let out a huge sigh and started to cry. I put a lock spell on the door and wept.

It's been six years since that summer night.  I know I should not look back and let it go but I can't.  I thought with time I would forget about Harry, but I know now that will never happen.  I thought being married to Hermione would make me feel different as well, but now I am cold and distant towards her.  I feel my heart blames her for interrupting my life.  I think it thinks that if she weren't there, Harry would come back to me. He never will. 

I don't know how Harry feels. He still spends a lot of time away from everyone and always undertakes dangerous missions.  I remember the day after my wedding, Harry went and sought out Voldemort and his death eaters. He fought them all and barley escaped with his life, but was finally able to defeat Voldemort and his followers.  After that Harry would always undertake dangerous missions to all over the world.  When he wasn't out, he was at home by himself.  He doesn't date anyone even though he has been voted The Daily Prophet's most eligible bachelor.  He rarely keeps in contact with anyone from school, just the professors.  He writes my mum once a year to tell her he is eating well and alive. My dad and he talk frequently though just about ministry business.  He has tried several times to get Harry to come to The Burrow, but he always begs off with one excuse or another. I try to avoid The Burrow as much as I can. The bad memories it holds for me far outweigh the good ones.  It's funny how one bad memory can ruin a lifetime of good ones. 

Looking at my watch, I see it's almost midnight.  I have been standing outside of Harry's place for over four hours.  I know Herm is up and waiting for me. I know she loves me and I know she deserves better.  I decide to apparate about a half a mile from my home and walk the rest of the way so I can come up with a good excuse. I turn one last time to stare at the house of Harry Potter.

"I love you Harry." I whisper under my breath.

And I'm gone.

a/n: What do you think? Please leave a review even if it is negative. If you have any questions or advice I'd welcome it. My email is on my profile page.  Thanks for reading and check out my other stories please.     


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